Nana pt1

I am the type of person you look at and ignore. It’s something I haven’t been through. Sometimes I wish more people would pay attention and see the things I do.

All anyone ever notices is my flaws, my mistakes, my errors. The truth hurts and right now it’s hurting me more than ever. I always think to myself about how much better my life would be if I was still a baby. I had no worries, problems, stress, and probably no flaws.

This year was very complicated for me. I lost someone really important to me and my family. She played the role of another grandma I never had. She passed away on January 27th, 2019. I didn’t believe that it was true. I told myself that it wasn’t true because she was too young. I cried for days and I still can’t understand why she had to leave. The last day I saw her was the morning before her death. She was a really happy person. When I saw her that morning she was really happy and then that night at midnight she died from a heart attack.

The next few weeks were really sad because she had been taken out of my life for good. I went to her daughter’s house to visit since it had been really hard for her. Every time I saw her she was always crying. I felt bad because I understood the way she felt.  To me, her mother was like a grandmother that I never had.

She was always there for me. I would always be at her house over the weekends and she would take care of me and I would help her do things that she couldn’t do anymore. Even though I was not very old to talk to her I would try to make subjects to talk to her about but being a 9 year old and trying to talk to someone who is older was actually really hard.

I called her nana which meant “mom”. I lost her this year and it wasn’t really easy to let go of her. She was about to turn 80 this year and no matter what I will always have her with me.

The date that she left I have carved into my memory. I can’t ever stop thinking about her because even when it was a tough time all she would say is try your best to stay happy but it’s hard. Nana was always a role model and I hate to think of her as a bad person because she wasn’t. I cared a lot for her and even if she isn’t with us I can’t help but to feel that she is still alive.

She died by a heart attack at her church. She was eating and she was telling her sisters that her heart was hurting and no one did anything because they assumed that it was just because of her high cholesterol. Later that night she had a heart attack and they didn’t call the ambulance in enough time and by the time they got there she was gone.

I think it was at around midnight that her daughter called my mom and told her the news. All I heard was my mom really upset on the phone, but I heard a voice I recognized. It was Carla (Nana’s daughter) and she was crying. I began to listen in and I heard that Nana died. I myself couldn’t believe it. At this point, I stopped listening and began to cry. My mom noticed me and hugged me and said that it’s ok and that she’s in a better place. I couldn’t believe it because I saw her earlier that day and she was really happy….

Pt.2 on the way