Onesies- you’ve heard of ’em. Instead of getting a lame two piece pajama set, you could get an effective and stylish onesie. There’s no sacrificing comfort for style with a onesie. You look good, and you stay warm. Where’s the downside? Due to these advantages, everyone had a onesie growing up, and if you didn’t, you had no childhood. And don’t tell me I’m gatekeeping, either! Maybe you’re just salty you never had the experience of peacefully falling asleep while wearing a warm, comfy onesie on a bitterly cold winter night. Whether you had a onesie or not (losers), we can all appreciate the following variations of the majestic nightwear that is a onesie. And before you ask, no–fursuits do not count. Fursuits are, in fact, canceled.

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Here we have a beautiful Minecraft-themed onesie for all your nightly… uh… business. Ever have the oddly specific desire to be a Creeper from Minecraft? Well here ya go. Talk about Bed Wars, am I right? If you know, you know.

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Is that a bird? Is that a plane? No, silly! It’s a Superman onesie! …and also my outfit to culmination– wait what who said that?? This onesie is perfect for meticulously unboxing all your precious Skylander figures on Christmas morning. That’s not an inside joke– YOU’RE an inside joke.

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OH, GRU! That’s right. A minion onesie. I mean, why not? You could even wear it to Pajama Day and embarrass yourself in front of all your extremely judgmental peers. Interestingly enough, that’s not a self-deprecating joke for once. Maybe you’re a fan of peach yogurt AND minions. You do you.

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Everyone needs a little motivational reminder, right? Maybe that’s what this pizza onesie could be, y’know? Like it could say, “Hey, maybe don’t eat so much pizza, my guy. Look at me instead.” When you then look at the onesie, you remember not to eat so much pizza, and you opt for a healthier meal. Or maybe you just really like pizza and want a pizza onesie. Who am I to judge?

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I really don’t know what the people who make onesies were going with this one. If the pizza onesie wasn’t American enough, this is always an option, guys. Maybe you’re just so patriotic to the point where you’ve done everything to show your love for America except get an American flag onesie?? This is a judgement free place. my guy. I’m here to listen… and judge onesies.

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Okay so you died, right? But like, you did it. You were a good enough person to get into Heaven, right? And as your ascending up the beautiful staircase to meet your creator or whatever, you’re greeted by angels. But not just any angels, no. Angels in onesies. If you ever get to Heaven and you’re not greeted by angels in onesies, it’s not Heaven, dude.

I have no idea why but this article comes off as if I’m at a sales pitch trying to sell onesies, and I honestly don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.