Clothed Ferrets

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Last week, after I gazed upon the sublime beings that are chickens in clothes, my curiosity was piqued. I started thinking about all the other possibly clothed animals. I began a new expedition. I present to you, with the upmost pleasure and sincerity, clothed ferrets. Don’t FerRET. Arguably cuter and with more suitable anatomy than clothed chickens, these glorious creatures have a much wider variety of clothing options, so brace yourself for this terrible article I definitely didn’t write in thirty minutes during English class.

Say hi to my guy Leeroy. Leeroy, sporting his fashionable sweater and hat, is ready for the holiday season- regardless of the fact that it’s a month past Christmas. Sis is a Christmas boi. He’s known as the clothed ferret community’s very own Santa, which is a title he honors year-round. He loves kids, milk, and cookies. Probably not in that order.

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This is Alfie. He’s a corporate a-hole who is suspected of having a Coke problem. He tried to run for mayor of Ferret City. No one even voted for him. It all went down hill from there. He probably works on Wall Street and is good friends with Leonardo DiCaprio. Someone needs to tell him money isn’t everything. It’s a rough world in the game of corporate ferrets.

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Meet Peter. He’s the local druggie, but he’s not smart enough to be a dealer. At some point, he got bored of his cotton-candy flavored vape pen and moved on to greener pastures. Pretty literally, actually. He dropped out of highschool in his junior year because he got tired of waking up early in the morning. Peter’s favorite restaurants is McDonald… mainly because he works there.Image result for ferrets in clothes

I’m pleased to introduce you to Jake and Tessa. Wait, no I’m not. Jake and Tessa have been dating for eight months and get each other presents every week anniversary. It’s cringey. Tessa has a private Instagram she uses to exclusively complain about Jake.  Jake sucks at texting Tessa back. They’ll break up in a month, I bet.

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Wave to Herman. He’s a self-proclaimed trendy hipster. He liked all those indie-ferret bands before they were big. He wears sweaters and scarves, as well as the occasional over-sized glasses. He consistently cross-fits and is an unwavering vegan, despite the fact that ferrets are omnivores. Herman is close friends with Jake and Tessa, as they are the only ferrets willing to listen to him constantly drone on about how he’s living his best life.

Steph Furry is his name, basketball is his game. Steph is an all star bb-ball player. He is renowned in the ferret world as one of the most innovative sports players of his generation. His flashy Rolex isn’t paid for by sitting on his couch, ya know. Sis has great shoe game and plays point guard. Keep your beady little eyes peeled, as he might have a basketball game tomorrow. Image result for ferrets in clothes

Well, seeming as I have time for an outro, there you it. Clothed ferrets. Bet you would never have seen something like that if you never read this article. Okay, bye now.

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