Clothed Chickens

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I like chickens. I also like clothes. What can I say? I’m a perfectly normal teenage girl. I was spending my evening browsing pictures of chickens, as any thriving child with a life does, and came across a chicken wearing pants. Never in my 13 years on this planet have I ever seen something so majestic. Upon initial viewing, I went down a rabbit hole (or, in this case, chicken hole) and found a chicken wearing a beanie. I knew from the instance I laid eyes on this beaut that this was something I needed to share with the world, so here we are. You can thank me later.

This is Olga. When her celebrated life ended, Chicken God was like, “Yo sis, you dead. But like the problem is no one wants you here because you’re wearing clothes, loser.” So, doing the only logical thing, Chicken God banished her to go live on this deserted mountain with other clothed chickens. Her glorious dress deemed her not only queen of Chicken Mountain, but also immortality and all chicken boys she wants.

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Meet Tyrone. He’s a perfectly normal chicken. He’s not really wearing clothes because he’s such a perfectly normal chicken, but we’re going to pretend like he is, due to the fact that I just felt like including him. He occasionally barks every once and while, but that’s just because he’s a little special. Just a lil bit.

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Say hi to WaWa. He lives his life wet and wild. He does what WaWa wants. No storm can stop WaWa and his durable booties. He tried to court Queen Olga, but immediately got friend-zoned. It’s a tough world out in the game of chicken dating. WaWa was a good sport, thanked Olga for her time, and kept his beak held high. Good job, WaWa.

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Make way for Alfred. Boys want to be him. Girls want to marry him. His milkshake, indeed, brings all the chicks to the yard. Including Queen Olga. She couldn’t resist his stylish sunglasses and carefree attitude. They’ve been going steady for about two and a half years now. Alfred’s thinking about popping the question soon. Good luck to these love-birds.

This independent chicken named Sister Sasha don’t need no manz. Her comfy sweater is all she wants. She spends her days sleeping… and her nights also sleeping, only waking up to eat and go to school. The kids at school call her emo, but they’re just jealous of her edgy style. You tell em, Sasha.

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This is John. He’s the inspiration that started it all. Once he decided to shake up the world of chicken fashion, there was no going back. The moment he put his first claw into that pant leg, the public was captivated. John serves as a true hero for all clothed chickens. His existence itself is disputed- no one really knows if somechicken so brave could even live. It is said he resides somewhere on Chicken Mountain, awaiting the day his service again required.

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