My Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

In no way am I saying that I’m mentally unstable. However, I just have a harder time dealing with stress than a lot of people. For example, yesterday my dad yelled at me for forgetting to feed the dog and I immediately started crying. Even when I know that I’m not in trouble, I have a full-on panic attack whenever anyone is mad at me in any way.

I hate knowing that I’m not perfect. Whenever I do something that isn’t right and I get caught, I freak out because the person who caught me knows I’m not perfect. Which is stupid, because I know for a fact that no one is perfect.

So, why are my coping mechanisms so unhealthy? Mostly because I have a problem directly telling people how I feel. Like, when I was in 6th grade I had a crush on a boy. Instead of telling him directly how I felt, I made up a fake family with my friends and pretended he was my son so I could tell him that I love him. I’m still very embarrassed about it.

I also do a lot of unnecessary, random crying. Sometimes, when I’m alone in my room, I cry. For no specific reason, it just happens. It doesn’t make me feel better either. I just hate having other people worry about me. Other people have worse problems than me.

Funny story, when I was in New York over thanksgiving break, all I heard from my family was “aren’t you cold?” I think it’s really sweet when people worry about little unimportant issues like that. It shows they care. However, when I have a real issue, that’s actually bothering me, I hate others worrying about it. I’ve always had a problem with not letting others care about me.

I feel like my problems aren’t actually solved when they’re solved for me. Which is ridiculous. I know I need help, but sometimes I’m not willing to accept it. In the long run, it only hurts me.

I’ve talked to my therapist about it. He says I should  try and put less pressure on myself. I don’t even notice what I’m doing to myself. I stress myself out so much bu holding all of my problems in, that I end up breaking down, and I think that’s where the random crying comes from most of the time. Stress is a lot more powerful than I used to think it was. Not only does it damage me emotionally, but also physically. Whenever I’m extremely stressed I gain weight and have acne breakouts. It’s so important to make sure that you aren’t overloading yourself. Most of the time, people do it without even realizing it.

Another problem I deal with a lot is hurting others without realizing it and feeling awful about it when I realize. Sometimes, I have no idea why what I’m saying is hurtful at all, but when others tell me that it is, I avoid them. I get so ridiculously embarrassed about hurting someone’s feelings to the point where I can’t look them in the face.

Anyways, if there’s anything you can take from this, it’s that you should take a break when you can. It’s important to destress.