The Payneful Experience

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Mr Payne’s accelerated Algebra class is one very interesting class. “I was born to be a great ruler, but here I am teaching middle school math,” is one of his most iconic quotes. He clearly has the traits of a great ruler, having the ability to spread people from “cultural centers” to “less fortunate villages.” Basically, he moved one kid from our table to another table which was struggling.

The paragraph above is a brief analogy of Mr. Payne. He is the strangest teacher I have ever had, with only Mr. Kelly coming close to being nearly as strange. Legend says that if you look into his eyes for a long enough time, he will extract your soul from your body and leave you as an empty shell of a human that has been brainwashed to get fives on all his notebooks checks and 100% on all his quizzes. Now that I have gone over common folklore among the people of F238, I’ll talk about what actually happens in class.

Mr. Payne’s class is a lot like a dungeon. When you enter the class, you see him standing there with a lifeless stare in his eyes. He strikes me as a prison warden, standing on guard overlooking all the young and scared children entering his classroom one by one. He will then hand you today’s warm up, usually containing a very easy or excessively complicated set of math problems. These warm ups are often left on the desk next to the door (alongside the eighth grade math warm up) after passing period.

When someone comes in late, they will often ask him which one is the Algebra warm up. This is basically what he says every time: “There are two papers there. Pick up the one that looks easy and that you want to do. Now put that one down and get the one you don’t want to do.” After fifteen to twenty minutes of doing the warm  up, the lights go out. You are surrounded by darkness and a knowing fear of what’s to come. Heavy footsteps echo down the isle as the intimidating figure of Mr. Payne trudges towards the Elmo.

He turns on the device, and the answer shows up on the slip of plastic paper thing. Usually, you will get the wrong answer unless you have two hundred IQ (like me). A more stressful version of this happens every Friday, the forsaken, infamous, terrifying, and iconic… QUIZ. Like the warm up, Mr. Payne will hand you the slip of paper that contains the quiz. After about thirty-five minutes of struggling to finish, the lights go out once more.

The answers are put up just like the warm up, only for you to find out you either got it right (filling you with joy) or you get everything wrong (filling you with a misery you’ll get used to). Either way, notebook checks will come to haunt you every two weeks. You’ll hear about that in part two. Bye!