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How to make friends

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If you’re a professional loser like I used to be, you’ll know that the hardest thing about Hale Charter Academy is the lack of people to talk to. They don’t even have to be cool, they can just be regular gross normies. If you have trouble finding followers, this article is for you. No need to thank me, I’m just a wise eighth grader.

First, bring a pack of juicy fruit gum. It can be any snack really, but gum works best because one, it’s outlawed so it’s more valuable, and because two, who doesn’t like gum? Juicy fruit is a good choice because it’s among the most popular and it’s smothered with sugar. Bring out a pack of these bad boys, and boom, you got an icebreaker and a feeling of kinship. Once you get some gum friends dependent on you, start talking to them in class and make them a real friend. Crack some jokes and poke out some fun. That’ll help you in the short term by giving you a hook to the rest of the student body and by relieving your loneliness.

Alright, now you got one hooked. Next, you either gotta find a group to sit with or create your own group. I’d recommend finding one, because at this point, all the groups are already established and everyone is already in one. If you’re going to find one, try sitting with one of your new friends’ group. Granted, they probably won’t like ya at first because you’re the social newbie, but once you’ve wormed your way in after a week or so, they’ll get used to you.

After you worm your way in, you have to actually befriend some of them. The more people who like you in the group, the better off you’re going to be. Two good ways to do this are to be funny and to be nice. Being funny works faster and brings laughter, being nice means you won’t immediately be kicked out, and if you’re both, you’re pretty much set for the rest of the year.

Now, if you don’t want to be the jokester or the nice kid, what you can do is be the silent cool kid. Nobody dislikes the quiet cool kid, and those who do are usually jerks you wouldn’t want to be friends with in the first place. Being the ninja of the classroom makes you acquaintances with almost everyone and gives you the ability to join any social group you want. If you’re the silent type, this path is made for you. No awkward situations, no talking, and everyone thinks you’re awesome.

There are many better ways to befriend some of your peers, but mine are pretty easy and don’t require a lot of effort. Really, all you have to do is not be a jerk, and you should be fine. Friends will come in time, depending on classes and stuff. Also, be a chooser, not a beggar. It’s better to have no friends than have friends you don’t particularly enjoy hanging out with in the first place. Peace.

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How to make friends