The Dispute Over Doritos

Recently, I got into an argument with a couple of my friends (yes, I have those; trust me, I’m just as surprised as you are) over the superiority and quality of Nacho Cheese Doritos and Cool Ranch Doritos. Now, I prefer the Cool Ranch Doritos over the Nacho Cheese Doritos any day, but I’m pretty sure I’m of a rare specimen of Doritos taste, so I decided to write this article to not only form my complete argument, but also convert any Nacho Cheese Doritos lovers to wonderful world of Cool Ranch Doritos. And before I get into my points, I’d like to assure the reader that, no, I am not sponsored by, nor am I a member of the Illuminati. Is that joke still a thing?

In my opinion, the best thing about Cool Ranch Doritos is the savory and unique taste. Nacho Cheese Doritos are made with only cheese and tortilla chips. How unique, right? It’s not like I can five other chips off the top of my head with the exact same basic ingredients. This is one of the few cases where I vote in favor of something not being iconic.

“But Alex,” you say to your computer screen with tears in your eyes, “how can you not appreciate Nacho Cheese Doritos?” Well you unfortunate soul reading my article, frankly, it’s not that I don’t love Nacho Cheese Doritos and eat them probably more than I should, it’s just that I enjoy the variety that Cool Ranch Doritos present. The monotony of tasting the same basic chip over and over again gets boring.

When you bite into a Cool Ranch Doritos, you know for a fact it’s a Cool Ranch Doritos. It’s a confident, loud, and phenomenal taste that Nacho Cheese Doritos can not replicate. Sure, sometimes being unique isn’t a good thing. And in this case, how can I disagree? Cool Ranch Doritos aren’t a good thing. They’re an amazing thing.

Another thing that comes with the cheese is the cheese dust. You’re minding your own business, eating your Nacho Cheese Doritos (you sinful piece of fecal matter), and you go to pick something up or maybe adjust your new white shirt that you got from some Hypebeast brand, and then BAM! You have Doritos cheese dust all over your article of clothing or cherished childhood antique. Now, if you had opted for Cool Ranch Doritos, your clothes and expensive antique would still be in satisfactory condition and not full of cheese dust. Unless you like having cheese dust over your expensive items which is your problem.

I have come to the conclusion that there are two types of people: Cool Ranch Doritos people and Nacho Cheese Doritos people. Those who lean to the side of the latter are not good people. Be a good person and do yourself a favor; choose the superior flavor, which is obviously Cool Ranch Doritos. In a world of Nacho Cheese Doritos people, be a Cool Ranch Doritos person. You probably won’t regret it.