Maral’s Future

Alex is a Moron

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You all most likely know Maral Gurgenian. If you don’t, she’s the really loud one in class. She just joined. She’s an 8th grader. She’s really short. Recently, I came into possession of an article written by said person on how she views her future. Here is a glimpse into the possible future of the most annoying girl I know.

In the first paragraph of this terribly written article, Maral describes where she would want to go to school for college. In fact, her very first sentence reads, “ I plan on going to either USC or Stanford University.” Based on her past 3.8 GPA, I don’t see that as much of a possibility. But hey, she’s is STEAM (against her will), We could at least give her that. But I don’t want to. Cause I don’t like her. That’s why this is published under Opinion/Editorial. Let’s move on.

The rest of the first paragraph just basically describes how she would like to go to Stanford, but she herself admits she most likely won’t get in. In the second paragraph she talks about how she’s never had an original idea for her future occupation because she’s too basic. I agree with her on that one point. “i’ve always wanted to be a singer or actress even though i’m not that good. But i’ve always thought about being a songwriter too but all the songs i’ve written are pretty short but i think they are okay.” (that sentence is proof that she will never get into Stanford. She can’t even capitalize her ‘I’s’.) If Maral ever becomes any of those things, she will finally have gained my respect. But for now, she’s just annoying.

Paragraph three focuses on her family life. The first sentence coincides with my future plans, “I’ve never really wanted to get a child but a few months ago it was confirmed. I never want to have kids. There was this one kid that ruined it all for me . . .” unfortunately, she doesn’t elaborate on who this kid may be. I really wanted to know. So I asked. Maral answered, “It was this really annoying three-year-old girl who had her fingers flying all over the place touching me and picking her boogers. It was really gross.” That’s the gist what Maral said. She tends to use far more words than necessary. So I had to sum it up as best as I could. Sorry, we’re getting off topic, back to kids . . . ”  …if i have a kid there is no going back, I can’t return it if I don’t like it.” How I feel exactly.

Maral also expresses her views on marriage on her part, “ I don’t really want to get married … I can barely take care of myself muchless another human being…” It’s so true. Not only can’t she take care of herself, she makes sure others can’t take care of themselves. It took me so long to type this because she was complaining obnoxiously loudly about her story for this week. And she kept leaning back to read what I was writing over my shoulder. I made sure she couldn’t see a thing, or she would have made me take out all the bad things I’ve said about her. But really, they weren’t that bad. It was just the truth. Okay, moving on: last paragraph.

Her last paragraph is her shortest. It lists 5 things on her bucket list and what she want to do for the world. “ I want to change the world in a good way but I don’t really know how even though there are lots of ways.

I can try to help donate to homeless people or maybe I heard of this thing where if your at a fast foods place and the person pays for the person behind them. I can try doing that once a month and then tell the person to pass it on on like a note or something.” She then lists her top 5 things on her bucket list:

  1. Go to australia      
  2. Go to england       
  3. Go to every state in america
  4. Live in finland because they don’t give homework
  5. Discover my own land and name it

I bet if she did discover and name her own land, she still wouldn’t capitalize the first letter. I guess it’s too hard to click shift and a letter at the same time. This is how she wants me to end this article, “Say, ‘Oh yeah she’s awesome, you should make her famous, she’s cool, you’re not, bye.”

I’m sure she doesn’t mean it. Don’t take it personally.

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